Guilty

I look at women more than I do men. I look at everyone. But when it comes to looking at boobs, I look at women’s more. I look at ass from both Continue reading Guilty

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lost time

The most time consuming events in my day in order of most time suckage.

Feeding my son.
Holding my son when he’s crying.
Picking ingrown hairs while I think about shit.
Deciding to clean the house then talking myself out of it.
Thinking about ex girlfriends and how (if I were with them) much worse my life would be.

not a decent nights sleep

Last night I must have woken up every two hours. I have a baby monitor in my left ear. I wake up to hear him. He stops. I look around, my girlfriend still sleeping.
I wake up again. He is crying. My girlfriend is not in the bed. He stops.
I wake up again. he is sleeping between us. He opens his eyes.
I wake up again, he’s not crying and i don’t see him in the bed only my girlfriend. I get up, walk to his room, he’s sleeping in the crib.
I wake up again, no crying, no baby, no girlfriend, and somehow I’m on the couch.
This happens every night. I’m like a soldier in Viet Nam expecting Charlie to leap out of hiding.

Zitiste

The citizens of this small Serbian village recently put up a 10ft. bronze statue of Rocky Balboa (in his famous glove raised pose), because, and I quote…

For five years, only negative reports on farm diseases, monstrous murders, floods and landslides have been coming from our village.

Time Magazine September 3 2007 Issue

If there are farm diseases, unspeakable murders, flashflood’s ruining: plantations, livestock, building stuctures; contaminated water, flies—causing an outbreak of malaria, and basically everyone hates their life and each other, I don’t believe a 10ft. Rocky Balboa Staute Continue reading Zitiste

Apples and Oranges

My ipod is a piece of shit. It’s my second one, it’s a mini, and if i spend all day charging it I can get about 48 minutes use, before it gives me the low battery sign and promptly turns off. Fucking Apple. The best thing they ever did was make the program “Lemonade Stand,” which i hold the highest record of in 1984 at Hillel hebrew Day School in Miami. I started out with $30.00 and wound up with $867.00,  making a net profit of $659 dollars! Charging 38 cents a cup! This is lemonade, people!

Elan Zafir’s misemployment of the run-on sentence