Category Archives: Past

Almost exactly a year ago

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A man fell in the subway platform onto the subway track and I was unable to help. I still feel a little bad about that.

Luck

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When I first came to New York I was fortunate enough to be cast in a rock musical. I had been here three weeks: had my first acting job, and my first regular job working at Glaxo Welcome (the pharmaceutical company). I was temping, and my job was to arrange conferences, and hotel accommodations for doctors. We (Glaxo Welcome) would create a drug and pay doctors to come to New York and try our product. I did this over the phone, but really… I was just a reminder, a check-your-inbox call, (we sent this information to them online so all they had to do was click “yes” and the date), but I was a temp, and just got to New York, and trying to impress everyone; I thought it would look good if I got the doctors to call me back. Continue reading Luck

Don’t know

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Not really sure what I’m going to say. Went back to my old work today. It was great seeing everyone. It was strange. I didn’t have my phone with me so I guess I acted abnormally, meaning, I acted in ways I wouldn’t have usually acted. It’s different when you know no one is able to contact you. I did things different—you get the idea.
My old work. My old friends. Truth be told, I was thinking about them. I don’t miss the job. The job itself was the pits. I could barely think of anything worse. But Continue reading Don’t know

Actual Email

Hey Elan,

I was just thinking about the impression you ones (sic) did about A**** having sex with her husband and I still get tears in my eyes from laughing. How are you? Long time no see. it’s about time to have a beer.

To be read at my funeral.

Too much in my head

I was given a picture back that one of Tonya’s friends took [of me and raf] when he was maybe 4 or 5 months old and rested on the main mantlepiece of the bedroom we shared during my stay in her abode. It’s a good picture, of both of us, but the picture is more than a picture it’s a symbol of my days in the home. That’s not quite accurate. It is a symbol that a Dad lived in a house with his son, that picture, given back to me, says ‘you don’t live here anymore.’

I wanted out of that relationship. There was not a day that went by when a tiny little mousy thought popped a kernel inside my head and the kernel read ‘how do I get out of here?’ Yet now that I’m out and someone else [within a time frame that would rival Hamlet’s mom’s marriage] is in… I guess I don’t like being replaced.

And that is what it feels like, very very quickly being replaced.

New cars replace old cars. Ideas are replaced. Windows are replaced. Roofs are replaced, but people? No. Yes?

Replacing a person is unlike replacing a roof. If a roof is leaky, you replace it, then no longer leaky. If a person is making you unhappy you replace them and then no longer unhappy? Maybe, but with a roof there’s science. You examine roof, hole here, here, and here. You replace roof and fill the holes. With people you don’t always know where the holes are but what you can be sure of is that they’re everywhere and sometimes the things that leak out of the person making you unhappy might actually be leaking out of you. Sometimes the holes look smooth, filled, like hills in Florida. So when a person is making you unhappy because he has all these holes and you replace them with another person whose holes look like hills, there is still a chance you may get wet.

Also, I think wanting to be happy in life is stupid.

Happiness is a by-product of something else; you’re happy because the person you love, loves you, you’re happy because you finished the finished the New York City marathon, you’re happy because you have intimate relationships with people you trust and appreciate. Wanting to be happy, when you cut out the doing and put the spotlight on the wanting, (makes you leave home go on a journey, meet strangers, get into adventures, almost die, grab the jewel barely make it out, and come back home only to learn you never had to leave. Hm.

Ok, wanting to be happy in life, if it makes you go on adventures, is not stupid.

Stretched thin

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The day I moved out of the house, I put all my books in boxes, my clothes in bags, brought them down five flights of stairs before bringing them to the curb outside and into a taxi.

I pretended to be a flagrant playboy whose wife had kicked him out of the house for cheating.

Me: Hi. 14th and Third ave.
Him: You got it.
Me: Thanks. Moving a lot of stuff.
Pause
Me: My girlfriend. She kicked me out.
Him: Oh, boy.
Me: I like black girls.
Him: Me too.
Me: I eat em up. I had two of them.
Him: In your home?
Me: In the crib.
Him: You have a child?
Me: Yeah…
Him: In your babies crib or you mean, crib is your house?
Me: The babies crib.
Him: No good, man.
Me: I’m bad.
Him: She caught you.
Me: She came to say good night.
Him: You were with baby?
Me: There was five of us. It was crazy.

Trip #2….
Him: Where to?
Me: 14th and Third ave.
Beat
Me: Yup. Movin.
Him: Ok. That’s good.
Me: My girlfriend kicked me out. I like em big.
Him: Oh shit. You like big girls.
Me: Can’t get enough.
Him: She caught you.
Me: Yeah, she caught me. We got a kid.
Him: Oh, it’s no good for kid.
Me: Well, it’s better than us fighting all the time right in front of him.
Him: Yes, that’s true. She gonna take your money.
Pause
Me: Well I’m gonna give it to her, she’s taking me to child suport enforcement.
Him: Don’t let her.
Me: Don’t let her?
Him: Deal with her privately.
Me: We can’t. We don’t agree.
Him: Pay her.
Me: I’m gonna pay her.
Him: No, pay her not to go. You don’t understand. I have a friend, drives a cab, same thing with him. He can’t go nowhere. He’s broke. Five kids.
Me: Five? What was he thinking?
Him: My wife tried that with me. I said “no.”
Me: Oh, you told her, “no,” that worked?
Him: She said, “I’m gonna get, you know, percentage of your income,” I said, “Good, I’ll work in a field my whole life, they don’t give checks in a field, now you gonna get nothing.” She understood, backed off. I buy my kid whatever he wants.