Has your girlfriend ever complained in the morning? Not just a complaint, but a list of complaints? Could be three things. Could be four. Could be five and you stop her.
Today, I got….
1. The floor is so sticky I can’t even walk on it.
2. The baby is crying so much I can’t Continue reading Has your girlfriend?
I joined a Public Bath House for 75 dollars a year. It has an outdoor pool an indoor pool, a ping pong table, a snooker table, and a full gym.
What’s the catch?
Today there was a small skirmish in the rec room. Someone was found Continue reading Public Bath House
After the initial, “Hey, do you know if they have Guiness here,” do you get tongue tied or just become basically at a complete loss for words? Me too. How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends, is the perfect book Continue reading Keeping the Conversation Going Strong
I look at women more than I do men. I look at everyone. But when it comes to looking at boobs, I look at women’s more. I look at ass from both Continue reading Guilty
The most time consuming events in my day in order of most time suckage.
Feeding my son.
Holding my son when he’s crying.
Picking ingrown hairs while I think about shit.
Deciding to clean the house then talking myself out of it.
Thinking about ex girlfriends and how (if I were with them) much worse my life would be.
My girlfriend and I spend our nights swimming in a public pool. There are three lanes with three signs hung up on the walls indicating the three speeds at which you can swim. SLOW. MEDIUM. FAST. My girlfriend was swimming in the MEDIUM lane when this older man (60’s) wearing a bathing cap, goggles, and a blue speedo, breast stroked behind her and shouted, Continue reading Free Swim
There was a girl in the 8th grade named Tamara Leader who attempted to ruin my life. We were dating. She had more experience than I. She had already given out hand jobs to cute boys and I was begging to be touched anywhere below Continue reading Everybody Dance Now
Last night I must have woken up every two hours. I have a baby monitor in my left ear. I wake up to hear him. He stops. I look around, my girlfriend still sleeping.
I wake up again. He is crying. My girlfriend is not in the bed. He stops.
I wake up again. he is sleeping between us. He opens his eyes.
I wake up again, he’s not crying and i don’t see him in the bed only my girlfriend. I get up, walk to his room, he’s sleeping in the crib.
I wake up again, no crying, no baby, no girlfriend, and somehow I’m on the couch.
This happens every night. I’m like a soldier in Viet Nam expecting Charlie to leap out of hiding.
The citizens of this small Serbian village recently put up a 10ft. bronze statue of Rocky Balboa (in his famous glove raised pose), because, and I quote…
For five years, only negative reports on farm diseases, monstrous murders, floods and landslides have been coming from our village.
Time Magazine September 3 2007 Issue
If there are farm diseases, unspeakable murders, flashflood’s ruining: plantations, livestock, building stuctures; contaminated water, flies—causing an outbreak of malaria, and basically everyone hates their life and each other, I don’t believe a 10ft. Rocky Balboa Staute Continue reading Zitiste
My ipod is a piece of shit. It’s my second one, it’s a mini, and if i spend all day charging it I can get about 48 minutes use, before it gives me the low battery sign and promptly turns off. Fucking Apple. The best thing they ever did was make the program “Lemonade Stand,” which i hold the highest record of in 1984 at Hillel hebrew Day School in Miami. I started out with $30.00 and wound up with $867.00, making a net profit of $659 dollars! Charging 38 cents a cup! This is lemonade, people!