All posts by Elan

Zitiste

The citizens of this small Serbian village recently put up a 10ft. bronze statue of Rocky Balboa (in his famous glove raised pose), because, and I quote…

For five years, only negative reports on farm diseases, monstrous murders, floods and landslides have been coming from our village.

Time Magazine September 3 2007 Issue

If there are farm diseases, unspeakable murders, flashflood’s ruining: plantations, livestock, building stuctures; contaminated water, flies—causing an outbreak of malaria, and basically everyone hates their life and each other, I don’t believe a 10ft. Rocky Balboa Staute Continue reading Zitiste

Apples and Oranges

My ipod is a piece of shit. It’s my second one, it’s a mini, and if i spend all day charging it I can get about 48 minutes use, before it gives me the low battery sign and promptly turns off. Fucking Apple. The best thing they ever did was make the program “Lemonade Stand,” which i hold the highest record of in 1984 at Hillel hebrew Day School in Miami. I started out with $30.00 and wound up with $867.00,  making a net profit of $659 dollars! Charging 38 cents a cup! This is lemonade, people!

when the levee breaks

So after a year of hard work, intelligence, and pure man power, all that separates New Orleans from another devastating natural disaster is a little brick wall. I can’t build anything. I have trouble with Ikea furniture. I’ve only recently started cooking and i am incapable of fixing cars. What i mean to say is, I can’t build a giant dome or a taller wall or think of a better way to help the people of this city. But I do have an ugly confession Continue reading when the levee breaks

Morning

The nIke 1/2 Marathon is coming up on Sunday at 7am and I am number 229. There was an option to add art onto the shirt. Whether it be “Scooter” or “DAD” or “MOM” or “I smoke cigarettes,” I chose to leave my t-shirt blank seeing as I’m gonna take it off at mile 3 anyway, to start working on my tan. I’ll wear SPF 15 from Panama Jack, surrounding myself in the aroma of coconut. All the freaky jogger girls are gonna want to stay near me. So i tell my friends who ask, “how are we gonna find you among 10,000 runners?” I’ll be the one around mile 8 without pants.