Over

The thing is
We can’t go
Backwards.

I’m leaving the laundry
In the dryer
Forever, and

It’s all your
Expensive clothing
Ruined.

The dishes in the sink?
Piled high like bodies.

Oh, I dare you to
Attempt the cleaning
Process on that mug.

Wait?
Is that almond milk?
But you don’t take milk
In your coffee—
Exactly.

Hey, the dust buster’s
Broken,

The fire alarm
Without batteries,

The oven is filled
With burnt
Pizza.

I’m hopping a one way
Ticket to a place
Where no one
Will find
Me.

And not because they
Won’t want to…

But because that
Part of the
World sucks.

I’ve been there,
And I’m not going
Backwards.

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Leaf

photo-2Sometimes I feel like I’m a leaf in a jar.
I don’t know how I got there,
Probably fell from the sky.
But here I am,
In the jar.

My legs and arms touching smooth glass.
Sometimes it rains,
And I get wet,
And it hurts.

I feel my skin giving
In to the weight of water.
I won’t drown,
But I’m powerless,
To my surroundings.

I imagine it will be sunny.
I imagine drying off in the warm wind.
But cold days are ahead.
If they weren’t,
I wouldn’t have fallen from the tree.

Maybe I have to work on my landing.
Look! I could have landed on the table,
Slipped between the grooves and landed on the floor,
Next to the cigarette butts
Piling high.

Either way,
Water evaporates,
And leaves turn color.
And one day I will dissolve into the air,
And a new me will grow again,
Waiting to fall,
Into another jar.

Day 21

Went 13 miles yesterday: finished in 2:02:38. Kinda far off my last 13 mile run which was 1:35:35 and happened almost ten years ago.

I thought about a lot of stuff going on in my head. A lot of stuff about my wife, my son, dad, brother. Physically, I had more in the tank by the end of the run which says good things about me running longer. I was able to have a conversation (with myself), right up to the last minutes of the run. I averaged 9:28/mile, which again is far off from what I ran ten years ago (7:15/mile).

Life is a crazy thing, and crazy things happen. Being older means that I’m not as free on my blog as I’ve been in the past. I’m not as free, because I think about other people and put their feelings ahead of my own. In doing that, there are some people and relationships I’m unwilling to discuss on my blog—even though they deal directly with me. In short, I am going to write more stories, and poems. I think I’ll be able to get across the feelings I have without getting anyone in trouble, or hurting anybody’s feelings.

Day 20

img_2242While I’m waiting for my solo show to print, I will let you know that I ran 12 miles yesterday. Isn’t that impressive?

I couldn’t wait to tell my wife, and then I remembered she gets bored hearing about how I exercise, and I began to think… “I need to find friends that want to hear me tell them I ran 12 miles.” Then I realized those people don’t exist, because no one really gives a shit. My son didn’t give a shit—but he’s so cute about being indifferent.

I averaged 9 minute/20 second miles. Which is fine. Think I ran for an hour and fifty minutes, which is crazy to me. When I was 30 I ran a half marathon (13.1), in an hour and thirty five minutes. Which is all to say I am getting older, and more pathetic. I like it though. I’m comfortable.

I had to stop at the 7-11 to buy something to drink; I got really thirsty around mile 8. I know I should bring water with me, but I think those belts that runners wear are not very stylish.

I also choked a bit while running and drinking. It is an art, make no mistake. One that needs practice.