Once upon a time there was a duck named Gary who didn’t understand why his family, and all the other ducks were so happy when they were losing their home little by little every year. Every day, Gary would wage war: he’d stay north longer than he should; avoid posing for pictures by tourists and/or photobomb those pictures; and shit on all new shiny cars. One day the other ducks realized the bad rap they were getting and decided to kick Gary out of the duck clan. They got together and created a DUMAN rifle, which (if hit), would turn ducks into humans. Because of that Gary became a woman, and started a PR job down in the Financial District which earned her six figures, and an apartment over-looking Battery Park. Because of that, he became a public speaker of PETA, and Greenpeace and fought hard for the securing of natural resources to give ducks year round homes. Until finally all the ducks flew into this incredible portion of central park, sealed off entirely and only for ducks — and when they all relaxed and let their little webbed  feet in the water — Gary turned the water into a lake of fire, then shot his vagina with the DUMAN rifle — turning it into a ducks beak — and laid down in a nearby stream breathing from his vagina.


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