Hike with me

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After flashing my park pass to the park ranger — let’s be honest — she turned into a hot mess. My girl was wearing tight black jeans and converse — fuck hiking boots. I sported a forest green vest, and a two tiered fanny pack that carried over two liters of water.

The park rangers name was Stacey. Stacey Tree-Hugger, like a hyphenated name (whatever— mommy and daddy had control issues). She expected me to pay five bucks. Spit out a five sinner for a two axel parking spot at Great Falls? The Virginia side? Bitch please. I pulled out the park pass while Tree-Hugger spun around to face the drive though window her hair snapping out of it’s pony tail while the fan in the room turned on to a level five. “Take out what you take in” I heard her say, but I had the Nissan Sentra in “go” and lord knows my girl would have slapped the taste out Tree-Huggers mouth for even thinking that thought. (I’d have to explain later it was about litter, and shit.)

I bitch slapped the River Trail as I made my way toward winding peaks. Up an embankment, and zig zagged toward a hollow rank which opened up into large crevice. I danced around those rock edges like a spider on a glass of champagne (MOET), coming out fast over the highest point I leapt and kicked my feet back (hotdog!), and some Japanese newbie snapped a photo. Whoops! Just went overseas (bitch). Pinterest me Nakamura (just ask before you friend me).

Picnic was dope. No, I mean actual dope. (Kidding.) Homegirl likes Asiago cheese on her whole wheat multigrain baguette, and if doggy wants a drink after a nice long hike — doggy gotta provide. Which is why I didn’t skim on the heirloom tomatoes (Farmers Market), bullet english cucumbers, imported yellow habaneros, and organic (motherfuckin) radishes. (Hell, yeah I sliced them all to the dime, b.)

Then the rain began to fall, and I got all Dylan on her. Did Dylan with some “blue eyed son” shit, and you think homegirl backed down? You think neighborhood slice went south? You think the rock left the building?

How a rock. Gonna. Leave. A building?

Yo, she came back at me with some hot tears, and carrying my seed, breast milk, while the rain falls, two butt naked, twenty-something’s, fuming; hot tears sticking on my face, and teeth —ugh!— Let me tell you like this… In nine months time, either somethin different about my boo, or yo, the Potomac just got pregnant.

#Hikewithme!

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