Subway Riders Stricken With Inner Peace

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Brooklyn, New York-More and more people on the subway have been covering their faces for a duration of more than three stops. This alarming epidemic is something of an enigma that has sprung on 2 and 3 trains, as well as 4 and 5 trains heading into Brooklyn.

“I’ve seen it,” said Lorraine Hampstead of Crown Heights. “It’s like they sad, or something.”

MTA has recorded a startling spike of passengers missing their trains based on these occurrences. The passage of time, when one has their hands over one’s face, can seem short when in actuality can be much longer. It has led to unpleasant encounters.

“It’s not pretty,” said Jonathan Torres, an MTA conductor whose a fourteen year employee. “I get screamed at for doing my job.”

The incident Mr. Torres was referring to happened on May 16th while pulling out of the Clark Street station on the 4 line. A passenger, who was sitting on a bench with her face in her hands, leapt toward the train platform and confronted Mr. Torres as the train was exiting the station, exclaiming, “Don’t leave me here!”

“It has to do with being needy,” said Mr. Torres, “But I can’t control your hands.”

“The influx of these scenarios suggest a search for a quiet moment,” confirmed Fitz Rauelin, renowned German psychologist of Body Language and Hand Gesture. Mr. Raulin’s book, “You Say This, But Mean That,” is currently a bestseller in Hamburg and Berlin. “I cover my face to block out the world. The world is sometimes, too much,” said Mr. Raulin, who is a nominee for the Nobel Prize for science. “Of course, it could also be a headache.”

Asbestos levels have been a constant issue among underground employees and in a recent study headaches have been the number one indicator of high level of asbestos in the human body. An MTA official, refusing to give his name, claimed “How many rats you see down here? You see these conditions?” then mimed choking himself with his hands. When asked if he has inner peace, he smiled, saying, “I’m glad I don’t have kids.”

Whatever the case the matter seems to be more and more of a hot button issue. Only with more research and developmental studies can this matter be resolved, and silent moments can be taken with less disruption to train schedules.

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