There were three people in the sauna today and out of all of them my body ranked third. The ranking system is based on whose body looks like it belongs in a magazine. The chinese man had the nicest body of us all. It looked like he worked out often and swam regularly. You could see most of the bones in his rib, but not in a gross, puny way. In an honest way. In a disciplined way. The man I’d give second place brought in an ipod. He was listening to public radio. I became angry. I wanted his ipod to melt. I wanted him to be doing something decent with his time. Learn a language, study for the LSAT’s, read the periodicals. I could hear the two voices commentating through the headphones inside his ears. My voice came out of nowhere.
Turn it off.
He didn’t know I was talking to him. Everyone just ignored me because that’s what you do in a sauna. It’s so awkward. You sit there and stare at nothing, or right in front of you, or close your eyes. It’s like being in an elevator, afraid to make eye-contact except your hot and naked and not going anywhere.