I think it’s very easy to hate everyone. Mostly, it’s due to the organic relationships that develop in a non-stop continuum. It happens the moment you wake. Like others, you may live in a home that is not really yours. You don’t own it. You haven’t installed any curtains. The brita filter is the same brita filter the last person who lived here used, and that last person—you didn’t really know. You may rent. And probably the lease is not in your name. Maybe you have a roommate. Another person you don’t really know. Maybe he’s right outside your door. He’s at the breakfast table, waiting, your door will open sometime, and he’ll be right there; ready to be your first ‘good morning.’ You could live alone, and upon opening your eyes, you focus on a book shelf. The books don’t look familiar, except for the fact, they were the same unfamiliar books you saw yesterday. They’re not yours, you haven’t read them, and they look at you like they know you. Continue reading New York
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I submit to you Exhibit A: the post-baby derriere. Opposed to the pre-baby derriere, the post-baby derriere is wider, plumper and sags with a certain umph. It is characterized by such terms as phat dunk, round mound… you get the point. It’s much more than most men can handle publicly. Usually met with a wince, deep breath, or a conscious effort to resist erection, the post-baby derriere is highly praised for ending slavery, solving the Cuban Missile Crisis (single-cheekedly), and preemptively nominating the first-lady to Maxim’s Top Ten Hot List. Seriously. Don’t underestimate the post-baby derriere’s power. You’ll lose every time.
When I first came to New York I was fortunate enough to be cast in a rock musical. I had been here three weeks: had my first acting job, and my first regular job working at Glaxo Welcome (the pharmaceutical company). I was temping, and my job was to arrange conferences, and hotel accommodations for doctors. We (Glaxo Welcome) would create a drug and pay doctors to come to New York and try our product. I did this over the phone, but really… I was just a reminder, a check-your-inbox call, (we sent this information to them online so all they had to do was click “yes” and the date), but I was a temp, and just got to New York, and trying to impress everyone; I thought it would look good if I got the doctors to call me back. Continue reading Luck
I am supposed to understand humans. They say nothing is more nobler or of a higher enjoyment, than the characteristics of humans. You made that hard. It was difficult to be amused by you. Both of you. That means your woman also, who claimed to have not been your women. (Was that an invitation to me?) Public transportation. Look it up. That means, when I want to sit down in the only two seats available, and your plastic bags are on the seats. You move those plastic bags. Move them. Put them above you. Put them below you. Put them on your lap, make a hat, stack em’ flat. Get them off the seat.
It didn’t Continue reading Kindness
When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.
Isaac Bashevis Singer