Why does god hate (me)

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What happens when you have a child and that child’s mom moves in with another man and they are very happy together and the father of the child is happy for his baby’s mama and the father’s even happy there’s another man to make the baby’s mama even happier and then out of nowhere or maybe so slowly you don’t see it coming your child begins to resemble the new guy.

“Oops! Cut it a little too short. Gee it does look like Tim’s. Ha, ha. How funny.”

But something happened. A tone has been set. Now the most horrifying experience a father can undergo is about to take place. Your son, may wind up, a hipster.

God, listen to my prayers. I know I never believed in you before (except when I was really scared and needed your help and asked you to help me that other time. Kind of like I’m asking you to help me now), but this is different.

God, I will suck your dick if you do me this solid. Seriously. I’ll finally come out of the closet. I’ll apologize to Farrah Herman for breaking up with her in my garage. Beg mercy from Brad Atkin for stealing his Dodgers cap. Extend my hand to Coach Kaplan whom I called an “anchor of a failure” (which I did think was witty at the time cause he was coaching the swim team). God, you have to be with me on this one. Listen, my son may start playing guitar, or worse. Carry it around with him on one of those back-pack like bags. Ugh. I cringe.

If only I were still living in the house. He’d be copying my hair style. Thinning and missing. He’d grow a nice beard that I’d help trim. He’d begin to alienate himself from the people he loves. Lose himself in stories and other imaginary fantasies that come from deep seated insecurities and pockets of unfulfillment.

The only silver lining I can conjure up is the simple truth that whomever was in the house, my son would chance to emulate. Soaking up the ticks and all. That’s what I did to my stepfather. I took all the good parts and ditched all the bad ones. Raf is smarter than me. Perhaps he’ll be ok. Or perhaps he’ll wear those tight jeans that get smaller and smaller as they reach your ankle.

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