The New Girl

The new girl’s got style.

She’s got brains, beauty and loves to begin sentences with, “I’ve got a hunch.” “I’ve got a hunch their coffee beans are from Italy.” Her father may well be a retired gumshoe (bent on re-entering the slick stained streets of Manhattan), and the whole “retired coal miner” who lives in Daytona Beach, could just be a cover.


The new girl lies, but if you think about it, it’s to protect the interest of her father who may (or may not) have enemies in Russia or China, who may (or may not) be trying to even the score with him for some deal gone wrong. In essence she could be protecting me, which I consider nurturing.

And she does have a heart. An old lady sat on a bench and took three minutes and twenty-one seconds to open a deli made tuna sandwich and when she finally got all the paper off the pickle (neatly wrapped within the confines of the wrapping), it fell to the floor. The new girl didn’t know I was watching her [watching the old lady] and I’m never gonna tell her cause you never know how people are going to react when you first let them know that you saw them cry.


The new girl cries, but if you think about it, most people cry (for good reasons or not), and the ones who don’t sure walk around thinking about it and the ones who do sure make life difficult for everyone else by forcing us to listen, and the ones who don’t and don’t think about crying, aren’t really living, and the ones who do and do make life difficult for us, are kinda special in a way because they make us feel worthy of being told something so private that it brings a person to tears, which I consider giving.

Don’t be fooled by her vulnerable side, the new girl can eat.

She weighs a 175 pounds and can’t go four city blocks without stopping for a Big Mac (not the whole meal). Her capacity for burgers is only outmatched by her knowledge of McDonald locations. “I’ve got a hunch there’s a Mickey-D’s on 2nd and Irving.” She kisses the burger before shoving it into her mouth and the first time I saw her do it I had my mouth open about to eat a french fry and just stared at her with a look of incomprehension, only snapping out of it when she burped and snatched the fry out of my hand claiming, “I took too long,” before popping it into her mouth.


She eats a ton, which might be a bad thing if she forced me to pay (which she doesn’t), so I can consider our experience a good thing. Whereas if she didn’t eat at all and forced me to pay (which she doesn’t), and which would be similar to dating myself with someone looking-in, I would…. still consider the experience a good thing.

Either way, I’ll see her again (or not).

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