My plane crashed


Flying in a passenger plane, I looked out the window and see the ground very very clearly. I was alone and in the front seat, with glass panels surrounding me, overlooking the entire world soraing past all these faces and buildings and lamp posts and water and we swooped down at some old kinda town, with these wooden planks skyrocketting past my eyes.

I noticed a girl.
I noticed a dog.
A fat kid eating ice cream.
An old woman with a cane and I got scared I would hit her with my feet so I lifted them up as high as they would go.

I found myself outside of the plane inside an open aired video arcade. A man was stepping up to play Galaga and there was a piece of paper taped onto the front of the game which listed the town folk and their high score.

I made change for a guy who was about to play who didn’t say a word to me and seemed quiet or retarded; I don’t remember, but as I made change a penny fell and time seemed to stand still as the penny rolled farther and farther away from us while we watched each other, never taking our eyes off each other, but very aware of the coin rolling away.

I went to all the games and started looking at the names of them, trying to find my childhood. Trying to remember something. The games were all slightly familiar. I almost knew this game, but it had a skateboard in it. I almost knew game, but there was no spaceship. Then it occured to me that I was no longer on the airplane and panicked, “I’m not getting to the place where I was going.”
But reasoned, “I was on the plane, how could I have got off? You can’t get off, a flying airplane.”  

So in my dream, I’m having another dream, and realize that in that dream, I’m only dreaming.

So knowing it was only a dream I relaxed and continued looking for my childhood, scanning the games, hoping to find something familiar.

I didn’t, however, and half giving up and half being keen on the knowledge that I knew I was in a dream, I forced myself to wake up, and woke up, back in the airplane.

I became hungry, looked on the floor in the aisle and was now aware there was someone else on the plane.

I seemed to know them and had forgotten about them until now and my mind floated to them and I could see them all on a bed and they were a family, and they had food and they were happy and this one man who was the engineer of the whole thing seemed to have learned his lesson or taught me his lesson and made his way into the middle of the bed and rolled into a ball and hopped inside this toy octopus made of liquid rubber and dropped himself inside of it making him really small and rolled away into nothing.

When I looked back to where he dissappeared, I noticed the wall was not flat but sticking out (as if someone did a poor construction job) so I tried to shove it back together and make it look good and the wall gave but ultimately it still looked bad and that is where the dream ended and I woke up with a headache.

{Things happen in my dream, and I will accept so much absurdity, so much weirdness, but if the dream goes just a fraction too far, or someone says something too close to what I actually heard in real life, then I suspect the dream of not being real. Or I  suspect the world of being a dream.}

Once Upon a Time in the West

I don’t think a woman could sit through this movie. I hope this isn’t being taken as feminist or the opposite of feminist. Or arrogance. I think a woman wouldn’t sit through a net-flixed version of this incredible movie, watched on a laptop, because they happen to be intelligent creatures.

During this film there were some portions that seemed to drag on for my 11:56pm emotions and brain; yet I persisted. I thought…

This is good for you. Watch this film. I know they are taking a long time and no one has said anything in awhile, but it’s moving, it’s going somewhere. I could push the fast forward button, I am very close to it, but I am not going to.

And so forth and so on. A woman would simply fast forward (making sure she didn’t miss anything pertinent to story), or turn it off, restart it at a time when she felt more enlivened/awake/prepared.

I am not a woman.

Someone said to me the other day that I am sensitive. Is that not a compliment? Should a man not hear he is sensitive? It’s kind of one of those back-handed compliments.

If you are on a date, picking up the check and the woman grabs the flower from the small vase on the table and bending the bud to her face says,

Oh, I wonder if these are in season now?” 
You shouldn’t do that you’ll hurt the flower.
You’re so sensitive.

That’s kind of nice.

Whereas if a woman is eating in your house and you made linguini in a white clam sauce and she’s chowing down and finally looks up and says,

“Did you cook these right?” and you say,
I followed the directions I saw online.
But it sounds like you said,
Why do you think I’m not capable of making something pleasant to eat?
“You’re so sensitive.”

That’s like, “Fuck you. I want you to enjoy yourself, you bitch.

Which makes for a poor evening. Point. Once upon a time in the west had real men. Men that hold in their feelings, talk real slow, unafraid to hurt a lady, and carried around firearms. I am feeling slightly insecure.

The movie centered around this elegant seeming lady and it turns out that she’s a whore. I don’t want to ruin it, but there are so many uses of ‘turns out that.’ There’s this one guy played by a young Charles Bronson, and every now and then you wonder what his motives are? What’s driving him? What does he need? What is he after? Why is he after it? And when you find out, its one of those ‘turns out that’ moments. Which works. The film is incredible. It’s beautiful. It’s filled with love and power and intelligence. Its a model. But better. It oozes with personality.

The acting, (by the men especially) is… enchanting. They don’t make people like this anymore, or if they do they aren’t shown this way. I want to copy them. Jason Robards is brilliant. Peter Fonda (I think he is playing against type), he’s this bad boy with blue eyes and he’s supposed to rape this woman but really it just looks like he’s making love with her. Everyone is beautiful in this film. The music is dead on. You’re watching it and you’re thinking what could possibly make this moment better and then…. BOOOOOOOUUUUUUUNNNNNNN! The music comes on and you’re like, “Ooohhhhh.”

I would like to thank everyone that made this movie possible.