Dreams

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The meaning of life was based on 5 questions I needed to ask Google (I only remember 3).

1. Who built the pyramids?
2. What is Darwins actual message?
3. What happens when you turn off the lights?

I saw my Mother at this party. There was no food. I didn’t know anyone there. It was at my old house and people were telling me to help clean and I began to help but felt indignant (why do I have to clean at my own mom’s house? Then my mom said he doesn’t like me (meaning my son). She was smiling when she said it, as in, how cute that he doesn’t like me but also a bit concerned (afraid to let me know it was serious).

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I Hear You

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Take a “A” train.
Take a “A” train.
Take a “A” train.
Take a “A” train.
Me: Maybe later.
Pause
Press number 2.
Press number 2.
Press number 2.
Press number 2.
Press number 2.
Me: At the Moma?
Yeah.
Pause
Take a “V” train.
Take a “V” train.
Take a “V” train.
Me: We’ll take the “V” train.

And these are the things I hear when I first wake up.

The Rose Tatoo

I have been cast in a new scene as a 25 year old Italian bull that seduces an older widow. It’s The Rose Tatoo, by Tennessee Williams.

Technically you shouldn’t act in any scene until you’ve read the whole play, buuuut….I’m kind of busy these days and my character isn’t talked about by any other actors in the play at any time. I sorta pop-in and pop-out; my main function is to ignite the soul of the old widow (old bag) and seduce the be-jesus out of her.

So how do I seduce? Roses, candles, I grow a thin mustache, Continue reading The Rose Tatoo

From Drama to Comedy

You know when you do something real, truthful, full of sincerity, gushing with genuine feeling and realize a whole bunch of years later how funny it actually was?
I imagine the writers, directors, producers and actors of this film were thinking, “Wow, we are making a movie that will touch the very core of dramatic human existence,” and didn’t realize at all that 34 years later they made a hit comedy!

My Son

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Eats bacon and french fries for breakfast.
Wears the same pajamas three days in a row.
Spills baby powder on the floor and on himself.
Sits himself in timeout when he’s done something wrong but doesn’t seem to think it’s a punishment.
Blinks his eyes rapidly in a way of being cute.
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Hits things when he’s angry.
Hits his mother in the face.
Recreates this thing I do where I pretend he kicks me off the bed and as I’m falling I call out his name as if I’m falling from a ravine.
Uses the word “hurt,” in relation to how he got hurt, or who hurt him.
Drinks coffee, then hits the table saying, “more.”
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Stretches his arms apart and brings them close together quickly while he’s over the cats midsection.
Most often said words…. “Airplane, hi, airport, handy manny, subway, outside, hurt, no.”
Prefers throwing balls to chasing kids.
Knows all the words to “The Wheels On the Bus” and “Aqualung.”

Pathetic

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How pathetic am I?

An actual transcript from me to the assistant director….

Chad, it’s Elan again. When do we find out?
I’m not sure when he’s calling people, but it should be within the next couple days.
Spill the beans chad. I won’t tell anyone and I’ll look surprised. Am I in or out.

If I had the Director’s number, I’d call him, too!

And, that’s not all…

They called back me and this other guy for the role of John Landis and we were going in one at a time and during a moment when it was his turn, I moved away from the couch toward the audition room so I could “text-message-quietly” but actually put my ear to the crack of the door and listen to how he read.

Yup.