The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands. 

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

India Plans to Shoot Musical on Moon

NEW DELHI – An unmanned space probe from Sriharikota, India was sent into space earlier this afternoon, marking India’s first launched space mission in what they believe is an overdue claim to the business opportunities there.
“Kissing on the moon will be ok,” said Sr. Vice President, Dee Singh, of the New Delhi Film Academy, “Brahma and Shiva, don’t look that way and poor Vishnu’s got his head up his ass.”
China, in attempt to establish a connection to the moon as well, launched Continue reading India Plans to Shoot Musical on Moon

Which Came First the Orange or the Toy?

He is my greatest accomplishment. He’s my best friend, and I’ve known him a year. He surpassed everyone else. I can say ‘I love you’ to him, without thinking. In the past I tried to say, ‘I love you’ to a girl, thinking, I should not be telling her this too soon or she’ll leave me, or I should not be telling her this too soon, she won’t leave me alone, or I don’t mean this at all but I am going to lie to get my pee-pee touched. But this kid is art. He is a walking poem. He’s not walking yet. A crawling poem.
(written 21 February 2008)

Lovin in my baby’s eye

I know you’re walking through my soul right now, but I’ve got other things to do. And don’t go thinking lighting candles means I’m making some special occasion. I always light my 78 dollar Diptyque’s candles when I’m doing housework, it just so happens that all they had left at the store were ‘Bulgarian Roses.’

From my speakers play Glen Gould and no, the minor cords do not make me think of you. I am busy. I am getting on with my life because other people actually want me around like these mirrors for instance. Grab the paper towels, snatch the Continue reading Lovin in my baby’s eye

Overheard Voices At Restaurant

Michael? The awning guy is still waiting.”

This sentence leads me to believe the awning guy isn’t that important. He can wait. They have a lot of other things to contend with, such as serving food and drinks to customers. It’s not raining, it’s not that hot, there isn’t a tremendous influx of birds flying overhead, in short, Mr. Awning Guy, you are sadly going to wait by that host stand until someone is done doing something that requires attention.

AWNING GUY: Man, this place is busy. Lot of nice women here. Families too. I should call my family. Ahhh, my ex might answer. The ex, the axe. What a battle-axe she turned out to be. Won’t even let me see my kid. Little Max. Wonder if he’s walking now. Last I saw he was crawling. Crawling and crying. Couldn’t sleep a night without little Max screaming bloody murder. 2am, 5am, didn’t matter to him. He wasn’t working. Neither was she. That’s what you get for meeting your wife at Mc Manus’s Pub, where they’re known for 2 dollar drafts and making their own coleslaw. I should have come here. I would’a met a fashionista. A librarian. An artist, of some kind who made a bit a cash for selling paintings and we’d sit out in the cafe and smoke cigarettes while it rained but not on us cause that awning would not allow a single drop to fall on her artistic little head.
HOST: Sorry about the wait.
AWNING GUY: No problem.
HOST: Michael, will see you now.
AWNING GUY: Thank you.

And just like that. I may never see that awning guy again. or ever wonder what he thinks. About anything.

I Got A Bike!!!!!

Until I can post pictures  go here to see what I’m dealing with, holy shit! It’s amazing I feel like a kid again, I want to be a kid again I want to skip work go to the mall walk around play Q-bert smoke weed eat snow cones prank call people…


“Hello, is John there?”



“No, I think I you have the wrong number.”

“There’s no John there?”


“So where do you go to the bathroom?”

BANG! that phone down in their stinking faces.


If you ever have to choose between a full rack of ribs or a half rack of ribs for three or four people, always go for the half rack of ribs, even if everyone gets only one rib (which is very unlikely in a half rack). It’s much better than ordering a full rack, everyone having five ribs and no one gets to try the barbecue chicken, collard greens, mac and cheese, brisket, or shrimp po because everyone agreed it would be too much food.

In addition, I enjoy a whiskey sour before a meal, but not during. I don’t like drinking while I eat (unless it’s beer or wine).