Bees

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DRAMATIC PERSONAE
DAD, 60, short, frantic, goodhearted, emotional know-it-all.
BEE KEEPER, 37, French, country boy, unkempt beard, dim-witted.
JARED (older son) 35, large, quick tempered, intense, loud-spoken.
ELAN (younger son) 31, fit, quiet, head-in-the-clouds, moron.

A Bee farm on the coast of Eastern Quebec.
KEEPER: Parle francais?
DAD: Oui, Je comprends.
JARED: Dad, Elan doesn’t.
DAD: I can’t believe you don’t speak French?
JARED: You don’t either.
KEEPER: Ok, My English is not so
DAD: Fuck you, Jared, I speak French.
KEEPER: …good but I Excuse me?
DAD: Yeah yeah yeah, French.
KEEPER: Dis where we keep the bees.
JARED: Look how it filters in from outside.
DAD: It’s on an angle.
KEEPER: Yeah, it filters and shaped this way-
DAD: On an angle. Cause they smell the honey.
KEEPER: To get the more bees.
DAD: It attracts more bees.
JARED: Ok, Dad.
ELAN: What’s this bee that has the yellow marker on it.
JARED: Yeah, what’s that dot?
KEEPER: Dis one is the Queen.
DAD: It’s the Queen Bee.
KEEPER: Yeah, it’s to keep track of-
DAD: They all stop working if the Queen dies.
KEEPER: …the Queen to make sure she is healthy.
DAD: They all take a vacation.
KEEPER: If the Queen die, then,
DAD: They go to Quebec!
ELAN: Dad, let him speak.
JARED Dad.
DAD: What?
JARED: There’s honey in all the wines?
KEEPER: Yeah, that is correct.
ELAN: Are they aged?
KEEPER: Uh, yes, but only-
DAD: One year.
KEEPER: Two year, some time, eleven months.
DAD: So, one year.
ELAN: In oak?
DAD: “Oak.”
KEEPER: No.
DAD: They don’t age them in oak, Elan, but don’t tell anyone.
JARED: Dad-
DAD: What, Jared? You taste the wine? That taste’s like it’s aged in oak?
KEEPER: Not oak, but-
DAD: Stainless steel.
KEEPER: Stainless steel containers.
DAD: That’s right.
ELAN: Do you want to work here? Do you want to change places with this man?
JARED: All right, calm down, Elan.
KEEPER: We don’t hire during summer.
DAD: Now he thinks I want a job.
JARED: Dad, relax.
DAD: I’m a bee-keeper!
JARED: Oh my God. (to Keeper) Can I try this one again?
DAD: I’m gonna handle the bees!
KEEPER: Dis one?
JARED: No, the one-
DAD: Like I need to get stung in the ass.
Pause
JARED: This one’s fine.
ELAN: Yeah, that was good.
JARED: Please.
KEEPER: Ok, it’s going to be-
DAD: Ten dollars.
ELAN: Dad!
DAD: It’s says right there! Look at the sign!
JARED: Dad, enough.
DAD: Ok, you know what? Fuck you both, I’m in the car.
JARED: I mean-
DAD: Assholes.
ELAN: Unbelievable.
DAD: Can’t say anything!
Black.

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