Woke up from a dream where I was unable to give a friend a warm welcome. He was excited to see me, I was not, he shook my hand, I did too, and as I did, there was the smallest little block that went up in my heart and mind. Like a “no.” He saw it immediately, let go of my hand and said, “it’s me, I’m quiet,” as if I were holding something back verbally from him and the strange thing is he’s right. In the dream I wanted to say something but I didn’t know what. He was looking me very close in the eye and the eye was very calm and warm and pleasant and again I shook his hand and something imperceptible happened within me (another “no”) like a face twitch or when you lose your voice before you say something and I couldn’t control it. It scared me that I could not control it and thinking about it right now I don’t know what I’d say to him. He was voted most attractive in high school. He once punched me in the face with a boxing glove. He promised me a job at his mom’s low-fat yogurt store D’Lights on the condition I would have a car to drive to and from work (I was 16) and never made good on it. We both shared an interest in the Anne Rice books in the 9th grade. He could be very warm and make you feel real special then in a moment treat you like a damn stranger.