For Carlos con gusto


Considering I work at a Belgian Bakery there are people who take things entirely to seriously.

“Where is the butter!”
“Are we ever gonna order more glasses!”
“I’m sick of running your food.”
“Who just took my granola parfait?”
“Get out of my way!”
“It was right here!”
“Why didn’t someone tell me we’re out of croissants?!”
“Sir, you pay me. Not the counter. It’s kind of like every other restaurant in the world.”
That’s how you carry your plates?”
“If I told you it was decaf, it’s decaf.”
“Hi. This is actually waiter service. That’s why i’m dressed in a black outfit with a logo on the upper left hand corner of my shirt. If you want stuff to go, then go outside the reaches of our air conditioning, and eat it on the bench.”
“What do you mean we’re out of decaf?”
“Carlos! I need silverware for table 312!”
“How can we be out of decaf?”
“Don’t worry Mike. I’ll make all my drinks. It’s what I tip you out for at the end of the shift, anyway.”
“Sir! Don’t drink!!”
“Gratuity is not included, and though I’m sure Spain is a wonderful place to live, leave a tip.”

Guys. Slow down. We’re all here to make money. This is turning into a pissing contest. It’s like we’re attempting to edge each other out of the competition like that movie Show Girls. Someone tripped me today on the way to the five grain bread. That’s not a joke. If I twist my ankle then I don’t work. Then i lose my choice shifts. If someone wants to switch shifts with me. I’ll do it. You can open on Tuesday’s. I don’t mind. What I do mind is narrowly avoiding scalding hot coffee while I reach down to pick up a nakpin. That was in your section Hannah. Sure, I may have “stopped short.” But my question still remains, why would you be walking with a full open coffee container held on a horizontal angle directly behiind me?

You girls are always doing things to me and i never say a word. Who took my heirloom tomato salad today? Fess up you bitches. Check the ticket and take your own food and if you make a mistake don’t take it out on Carlos. He works harder than anybody. Whether it be restocking glasses or emptying dirty bus bins or putting down silverwear or informing me of which hot girl just walked in the restaurant; he deserves our respect.

Michelle, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but Carlos has a crush on you. I see you guys laughing together and I think why not? He does have a wife in Peru, but hey, I got secrets can’t leave Cancun, you know what i mean? I also overheard you talking to Courtney… sorry about your boyfriend. Men are dicks. I can’t imagine how much pain you’re in. My advice to you would be don’t wallow in it. Suck it up. Go out there and find someone new. Or rebound with Carlos. He’s a great guy. You threw that paper airplane at that little girl today. It’s obvious you’re good with children. He’s got two. if you’re worried about performance. Don’t. See how busy he is at work? That stuff carry’s over (I mean in the bedroom). In Peru, you will be treated like a princess. With your blond hair and 5″9 height they’ll think you’re some Mayan Goddess. Don’t kid yourself. You’re not getting any younger.

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