Free Swim

My girlfriend and I spend our nights swimming in a public pool. There are three lanes with three signs hung up on the walls indicating the three speeds at which you can swim. SLOW. MEDIUM. FAST. My girlfriend was swimming in the MEDIUM lane when this older man (60’s) wearing a bathing cap, goggles, and a blue speedo, breast stroked behind her and shouted, “Move!” She did. The man passed her with a dirty look (one is more than capable of giving dirty looks while wearing goggles), and suggested she try the SLOW lane. My girlfriend continued her side-stroke while the man jetted off. They met again in the middle of the MEDIUM lane, both stroking, headed right for each other. A crash was imminent. My girlfriend did not have goggles so could not see the older man, in order to avoid him. The older man stopped mid stroke, stuck out his left hand (like a Nazi salute) into the crown of my girlfriends brown hair squelching her progress and straining her neck. At this point I left the FAST lane by swimming under the separating line (I have goggles, too), chased the old man (front crawl stroke) grabbed his right foot with my right hand and yanked him under water. He started freaking his leg out (attempting to fling me off), so it felt like when you’re holding on to someone’s leg (against their will) and they’re trying to fling you off. The orange life guard (who hadn’t seen this much action since the diving board broke) blew the whistle but before he could intervene the old man managed to free himself from my grip and fled for the surface.
What the old man needs to understand…
Don’t fuck with my girlfriend. We are all swimming together. Swimming is a happy time.

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