The Unaccompanied Minor

I will be performing my solo show for the first time tonight. I am excited, scared, and confused. I don’t know what I’m going to wear. Or, if I’ll put on eye-liner. Or, just wear jeans and a t-shirt. Or, whether I’ll want a beer after. There are so many things I don’t know, but normally I’m not so amped about them. Today… with only four hours away I feel like a kid again.

I guess that’s good. I like kids. My kid gave me three pieces of advice for tonight.

  1. Make em laugh.
  2. If I get fearful, don’t look them in the eyes… look at the wall.
  3. Make them talk about me after/Make them remember me.



Dear God Don’t let me fail

TUM Poster 3.jpg

Oh, nothing. Just waited my entire life to do something like this, and it’s six weeks away. But who’s counting right?

Terrified. I am absolutely terrified.

I am going to share something I wrote on the first day I started to write what would become The Unaccompanied Minor. 

The exercise was to write down your hopes and fears. Then write down someone who wouldn’t have those fears. Or, if they would— how they would handle them. Then write a character monologue Continue reading Dear God Don’t let me fail

What’s new with Kate Mara

Kate, hi.
You don’t know me, but I want to marry you.
This is real, Kate. This…
Yes. This is the real thing.
I don’t know you. I have seen some of your TV work.
Your film work.
Doesn’t matter.
I don’t care.
I seriously want to marry you.
Now, I’m married, which does pose a bit of an issue.
I will have to talk to my wife.
I… not really sure how that’s going to go…
But, it’s the real thing Kate.
I thought a lot about what I’d write you.
How I could describe to you what was going on with me
And… Huge. Crush.
I am crushing on you.
I’m forty. Full disclosure.
I have a cat.
Just gave him a bit of catnip, and now it’s the old 3,2,1
“Don’t bit me you little shit. Ow. Seriously, that hurts.”
But it’s real.
I am crushing Continue reading What’s new with Kate Mara

A perfect world

You always hear people say “create the world you want to live in.” I don’t know much about carpentry, wood-work, geometry of structures, but I do know about fire.
I was a block away when the second tower of the World Trade Center came down. After running full speed for what seemed like an hour: I stopped moving, and realized I was now on the West Side Highway. I was on the street; I remember thinking “where are all the cars?” The highway was bare. No cars. Just people.
When the first tower fell I was already bruised fruit. I didn’t have radio, internet, any way of understanding what the outside world already knew: America was under attack. I walked back toward my apartment, where I saw a car get towed just an hour and a half earlier; while tower #2 was still on fire. The tow truck man watched the building burn as he loaded the offending car onto his truck.

Continue reading A perfect world

Elan Zafir’s misemployment of the run-on sentence