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It’s not flowers.
Not coasters.
Not herb gardens.

Though you do find yourself telling people that’s all down hill.
What do you mean?
You know that part on the roller coaster where it’s going up and then it goes CLICK, and then CLICK, CLICK, CLICK and it rises to the very zenith and you look to your right and you see the whole park! Ferris Wheel, Sky Coaster, Boomerang, that other one where you sit in a chair and it swings and rises to the sky. Then you look to your left and you see the parking lot.
Yeah.
You’re going to the parking lot.

It’s not that bad.
I was making
Continue reading 41

Great things

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Happening to great people.
That’s good. That’s a good thing.
I am happy for those people.
I am also jealous. And feel that perhaps I should have good things happening to me. A friend once described a person me, as teflon. I don’t know what my friend meant. So i looked up teflon. It’s a non-stick pan. But can also be used to refer to someone able to withstand criticism or attack with no apparent effect. I guess that’s good. Why are people criticizing him? I would want my president to be teflon-ish. Though I wouldn’t want people’s feelings and judgements to have NO effect.

My friend meant Continue reading Great things

Someone died today. Or, maybe it was the other day. I can’t be sure

David Mcrary died last week.

I knew David because he originated the part of DR. CAMPBELL in my play Super Earth, which I will be bringing to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August.

When you watch a son say goodbye to his father, it is a hard thing to do. I don’t think the son was ready for David’s early departure.

His daughter spoke as well, and it made me want to have another child.

For anyone who knew David, he had Continue reading Someone died today. Or, maybe it was the other day. I can’t be sure

50:40.73

YES!

When you are rehearsing your solo show for the Edinburgh Fringe and you need to get it under an hour, and you’re first rehearsal is 50:40.73!

That ¬†makes me really happy because every time I’ve ever recorded myself in actual performance the time is closer to an hour. Which means either of two things.

  1. Audiences are laughing for an average of 9 minutes while I perform my set!
  2. I am milking the fuck out of this show.

I am sure the answer is somewhere in the middle.

 

I will taking a Myers Brigss technical analysis of preparing this show for Edinburgh. What is a Myers Briggs test? Is that Jung shit that tells you if you’re crazy or, not.

Point is: my show performs at 16:05pm (Edinburgh time zone).

Edinburgh is five hours ahead of the States.

I am rehearsing my show everyday (Monday’s off) from now till opening (August 4th), at precisely 11am everyday. That way my body gets used to performing at the time I will be performing.

However, there is also a train of thought that your body can surpass jet lag, and join the time zone of a new country immediately.

Since that may be true… I will also perform my solo show at 4pm Eastern Standard Time.

That way I’m covered on both ends!

If we agree

If we agree,
that there’s a chair;
then I’ll gladly walk the length of this lake with you.

If we agree,
That there’s a knife;
then I’ll quickly mix the cake and the frosting for you.

If we agree
That you moved on:
That you’ve taken all the books,
That you’ve undone the screws on the shed,
That you’ve ripped up the floors nail by nail,
Then I’ll quietly,
Then I’ll smilingly,
Admit to disagree.

Teacher

People ask me all the time.

“Elan, how do you teach acting?”
“What is the process like for you?”
“How do you do it?”

To them I say… “You need The Elan Method. Starstruck and Wonderlust: a Guide to Lying From the Heart.”

The Elan Method of acting is something I’ve been working on for over 28 years. It’s hard tested, battle proven.

“Elan, I have an audition tomorrow, and I’m really nervous. I want the role so bad! I can’t think. My boyfriend is talking to me, and I’m running lines. Running lines in my head! I can’t concentrate? What do I do?”

Dump his ass. You heard. Break up with your boyfriend. Make it public. Restaurants are good, Starbucks, any Trader
Continue reading Teacher

Elan Zafir’s misemployment of the run-on sentence